I Hurt, But the Cross is Close

This title comes from a blog I came across today that I just had to share. In this blog Jason Clark reflects on whether or not the Cross is big enough for dealing with the suicide of both his parents. I can’t even imagine what he must be suffering, but my heart immediately resonated with his as he struggles to articulate what he is feeling. Here is an excerpt, but I encourage you to read the entire thing (it’s not too long).

So I circled back to the cross this June with my mother's suicide, and I find myself, back to the cross today, asking again 'Jesus is your cross big enough for this'?  And the more I come to His cross, with the darkest and most painful things that seem to have no end, I sense in the peripheral vision of my soul, that his arms on the cross are bigger, wider and stronger than anything that has befallen me. (emphasis mine)

Clark talks several times about “circling back” to the Cross throughout his life, particularly in painful seasons. I like the way he puts it: “Taking my pain to the cross, not hiding who I was or what had happened . . . was like being dragged naked to an emergency doctor, for critical and life saving care.”

As I reflect on my own past and come to grips with large elements of it that can only be described as abuse, I take heart from Jason’s words to “circle back” to the Cross, bringing my very real pain to this place of mystery and suffering – the revelation of the suffering God.

Somehow this is the only place my pain can find a home. Wherever else I take it, the effect of the pain is to destroy and perpetuate itself. Only the Cross provides the infinite grace for my wounds to find healing. The Cross is so much more than the mere forgiveness of sins! It is certainly not less than that, but is so much more! At the cross we see the clearest revelation of God’s heart. The Cross was not a reluctant “role” that God played for a time, but was central to who He has always been, a God whose greatness doesn’t primarily consist in his ability to speak worlds into being, but rather in his kindness and endless mercy in stooping down to lisp sweet words of redemption to his enemies.

“Come to the Cross, my beloved, for there you will find not only forgiveness but healing, you will find me, and with me you will have life. Come!”

I come, Lord Jesus, I come.