Oh, how I wish for the naive days when I thought doing a "spiritual gifts test" and/or "personality profile" would give me direction with regards to calling! It was all so clear in Bible College; I am gifted as a teacher and encourager, a pastor-teacher; therefore, I am called to be a pastor!
My sense of calling lies among the rubble of my shattered dreams. I feel shelved, like my gifts are either a cruel joke or just a waste of space.I risked alot to come out to Louisville to attend Seminary #2 to pursue my "calling," which ended in a trainwreck of the soul.
I don't know if I can ever go back to that kind of life, where you sense a call and pursue it. I don't know if I can trust God enough for that. If pursuing my "calling" can lead to such rubble and pain, what else can happen?