[This came out of a time of wrestling with God this morning that brought me significant peace and freedom as I agonized over a close relationship; consider it a document “in process” – like me]
I stand, safe and secure, in the vast abundance of God’s Kingdom as a disciple of Jesus.
The Lord is my Shepherd; I have everything I need (Ps 23:1 NLT)
I am created for relationship by a relational God.
The core of all reality is Trinitarian intimacy and joy. All reality is therefore relational reality.
Jesus is the Master of all relationships, and is uniquely qualified to teach me all that I need to know to live eternally now, in the midst of temporal circumstances and relationships.
I am free from having to have my own way in relationships and circumstances.
I no longer “need” to be understood or accepted by other people. I have more than enough love, acceptance and forgiveness with God in his Kingdom.
I have relational needs that God intends to be met by other people (and I participate in meeting others’ needs). But, I am not in control of how or when those needs are met. I trust God to meet my relational needs, even what I need from others. I do not dictate my needs to others; rather I ask.
I can ask others (simply, honestly) for what I need, avoiding the common tactics of condemnation and manipulation of feelings.
In the asking of others, I seek to do so in such a way to give them the genuine dignity and freedom to respond as they wish, leaving the outcome to God.
I am free from keeping score of wrongs.
I am free from the tactics of attack and withdrawal.
I am free to love others for who they are, where they are, without regard to how they respond to me.
HUGE CAVEAT - Experience of brokenness and deep pain throughout this process!!
There will be times of deep and profound anguish as these things are worked out in the daily grind of real relationships – their give and take, wounding and healing.
Have patience with yourself, above all treat yourself (and others, when you can) with extreme tenderness. “Love others the way you love yourself,” the Master said.
God is holding you and the entire process. Realize that our “relational template” or the ways we relate and attach to God and others is severely disabled, corrupted and even dead in places. Deep healing and resurrection will be available in God, taking much time and tears.
This is what community is for.