Tuesday, September 21, 2010

quick update

I've been struggling a lot since the weekend with depression and lethargy (hallmarks of the orphan). I'm trying to unpack what's underneath, made a little headway this morning. I feel overwhelmed with the thought of leading group this Thursday, but I'm trying to trust the Father with it, that it will work out (perhaps more about that later). I'm also trying to pay attention to what might be shar-able from my story these past weeks.

The big issue I'm struggling with is (as always with the orphan) - can I trust the Father to take care of me and my family? I've been working frantically the past couple weeks trying to "get things done" and "make a memorable vacation" (we were in St. Louis last week) that I've gotten into a deep trend of fending for myself. I'm trying to make a trust-shift, but it's difficult. I feel spent. I feel like crying. I can't carry this damn load anymore. I don't know if the lethargy is from being weary of carrying my world or from being depressed that I'm failing so badly (maybe both).

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