Have you ever thought about what happens when we worry - to our attention, to our presence? What effect does this have on our hearts and the hearts of those around us? Why does living in the past sometimes hinder our living in the present? Why does worrying about the future drain us and constrict us making it hard to breathe?
I'm ashamed to admit I've spent countless hours worrying - about what might happen, about what other people think, about if our needs will be met, etc. It's a particular brokenness in my soul that makes it hard, if not impossible, for me to trust God and feel hope. I've learned that such "bentness" is rooted in ancient places of my soul, ground into my social self by a brutal experience of childhood. I was raised to believe that the world is a very unsafe place. God has been on a long term renovation project though, teaching me to trust by uniting me to his Son and allowing his heart and mind to interact with mine for the last 31+ years.
For as long as I can remember I've spent and directed vast amounts of my soul's energies toward attempts to secure myself through clarity, control and comfort. I wonder if, or how, these energies can be called back, redeemed and re-directed. After a recent time of prayer spent surrendering to God, I realized what happens when I worry about worst case scenarios. I project or send forth my attention, my focus and my soul's energy into situations and problems that rarely come to pass. This leaves me feeling fragmented, dissipated, weak, strained, torn and weary. In silence I rebuke the enemy of my soul and recall my presence from all the places it doesn't belong. I come home to love. I surrender to God as water poured out in trust (Ps 62:8). Recalling presence gives me my soul back, attention, energy and focus now available to be directed toward God. It's one more piece to God's project, being snapped into place.
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