Rich Mullins died in a car crash in 1997. His last CD was a collection of songs that were no more than demos, called, The Jesus Record. I’ve been listening to it with great benefit. His first song, Hard to Get is one of the best expressions of honesty and faith in the face of intense struggle that I’ve ever heard. This is where I am today.
You who live in heaven,
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth;
Who are afraid of being left by those we love,
And who get hardened in the hurt;
Do you remember when You lived down here, where we all scrape,
To find the faith to ask for daily bread?
Did You forget about us, after You had flown away?
Well, I memorized every word You said...
Still I'm so scared, I'm holding my breath;
While You're up there, just playing hard to get...
You who live in radiance,
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin;
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was,
Still, we do love now and then;
Did You ever know loneliness?
Did You ever know need?
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You are barely holding on,
And Your friends fall asleep;
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat...
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted,
While You're up there, just playing hard to get?
And I know You bore our sorrows,
And I know You feel our pain;
And I know that it would not hurt any less,
Even if it could be explained...
And I know that I am only lashing out,
At the One who loves me most;
And after I have figured this somehow,
What I really need to know......
Is if You who live in eternity,
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time;
We can't see what's ahead,
And we cannot get free from what we've left behind;
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screamin' in my ears,
All these words of shame and doubt, blame and regret;
I can't see how You're leading me,
Unless You've led me here;
To where I'm lost enough to let myself be led...
And so You've been here all along, I guess;
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get...
2 comments:
This is so good. I love this line:
"I can't see how You're leading me,
Unless You've led me here;
To where I'm lost enough to let myself be led..."
It feels like death trying to believe this when you're in the middle of it, but it is the only way out, I think.
Amen, brother. This is pure Dark Night stuff!! This reminds me of Mike Yaconelli's "Messy Spirituality," where he emphasized the point that being stuck in the spiritual life is the best place to be. Blessed are the poor in spirit - take that, evangelical success mongers!
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